My first stop on this hazy world tour had to be Amsterdam, the holy land of legalized weed tourism. Walking through the Red Light District with bloodshot eyes, I realized I had found my people.

Day 1: Arrived in Amsterdam with my trusty travel guide "How to Get High in 42 Countries" tucked safely in my jacket. Found a hostel run by an old hippie named Moonbeam who immediately offered me a "welcome joint." I knew I was home.

Day 2: Visited the Bulldog, Amsterdam's most famous coffeeshop. Asked for an actual coffee and the budtender laughed for five straight minutes. Apparently, that happens a lot. Ended up with something called "Amnesia Haze" which, ironically, I'll never forget.

Day 3: Attempted to visit the Van Gogh Museum. Made it as far as the gift shop before getting distracted by the spinning keychain display. Spent three hours there watching the "pretty colors." Security was surprisingly understanding.

Amsterdam Travel Tip: The canals look AMAZING when you're high, but don't lean too far over the rails. My phone is now somewhere at the bottom of a canal, along with my dignity and a half-eaten stroopwafel.

Final rating: 5/5 cannabis leaves. Would get baked in Amsterdam again!